I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
