yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
