You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
