There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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