My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
