i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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