Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
