I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
