I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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