the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize