Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
