the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
