You can't special order awesome
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Shame - the story of my life.
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