people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
