how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
