You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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