Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
