3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
