Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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