she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
