I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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