Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
