Got a toothbrush?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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