Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
