I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
