it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
