Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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