are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
