we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
