so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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