You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize