I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
