wakey wakey hands off snakey
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
