Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
