I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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