4 words: hood of his car
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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