I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize