Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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