I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
