Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
