so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
