I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
