i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize