so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
