its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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