the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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