Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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