whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
