Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
