She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
