We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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