Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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