no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
