Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
