So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
