if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
