5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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