ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
