M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
