I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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