ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Panties = found
Randomize
