Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
