Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize