doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't deserve a penis
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
