It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
